Insanity
by Cynthia Taz
Summary: This is an insane world... and maybe... just maybe... insanity is the only way to go. ::Updated Ch 1112, Completed::
1. Meds

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

Disclaimer: All characters, sites and such from 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer' and 'Angel' belong to Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, and et al. No copyright infringement intended. All new characters and the storyline belong to the author (Yah me!). This story is not for sell or any profit. 

Rating: PG 

Summary: This is an insane world... and maybe... just maybe... insanity is the only way to go. 

Note 1: This story is actually finished about 4 yrs ago but I never post them... probably because of the similarity of my other stories and seemly confusing writing style... um...   
Note 2: The story started right after 'Tabula Rasa' in Season 6. Oh, and the whole story is told via different characters' position.   
Note 3: This story is (sorta) Willow/Dru and (sorta) Willow/Tara... (and did i mention 'sorta'?)   
Note 4: This story has a rather twisted happily-ever-after ending. If you don't like this kind of ending (or any kind of ending that is not 'princess and princess kicked everyone's asses and lived happily ever after fairy tale style'), you may not want to read this.

* * *

Chapter 1 - Meds

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

Tara finally left. 

I didn't stop her. What's the point of stopping her anyway? She isn't going to forgive me. 

Not this time. 

I step out of the house the moment the cab took Tara away. I have told Dawnie that I am going for a walk... not that she cares. 

Buffy isn't back yet, so going out isn't a problem. 

May be she just doesn't want to see me. May be she isn't ready to forgive me... may be they aren't ready to forgive me. 

May be they will never forgive me. 

But what can I say? What can I still say? 

I know I have a problem. Oh yeah. Big problem. 

I always have. 

Just that they never saw it before. 

Not Buffy, not Xander, not even Tara. 

Oh, don't left out Jess. 

Ironically, my parents are the only one who knows about it. 

Big shock, huh? Not really. 

Why do you think they have never been there for me? 

Why do you think my mother tried to burn me on a stake? 

Because of that 'we-are-two-innocent-children-but-not' demon? BOO! 

Because they are ashamed of me. 

Yeah. They are ashamed of Willow Rosenberg, their only daughter. 

Why? Because their daughter, the two famous psychologists in the States, has bipolar disorder - or sometimes called manic depression. 

I have been on medication since I was... well, small. 

It is easy to cover it up, actually. 

Telling Buffy and Tara that I was having vitamins, telling the gang I was in the library when I was actually at my psychologist - not that I've gone to him anymore, or took my medication. 

On top of that, I have addictive personality: first school, then magic and Tara. 

Yes. Tara. 

Don't get me wrong. I love Tara, with all my heart. 

It is just, at the same time, I'm so addicted to her that I couldn't let her go. 

That's why I used magic. That's why I used the spell... twice. 

Pathetic, I know. But it's the truth. 

Or simply, I'm just a scared little girl, too scared to let her go. 

Or let my magic go. 

And now, I lost everything... 

Well, everything except magic. 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose it some day too. It's just a matter of time. Nothing that matters to me stays. To be honest, I should have get used to it by now. 

Even though it still hurts.

... 

- **STILL WILLOW'S POV** - 

Ouch. 

My hands are bleeding. 

Oooookay. When did I hurt myself? 

Can't remember. 

Don't care either. 

The sun is going to rise very soon. Damn. I have just reached the edge of Sunnydale without even knowing it. 

I should head back. Buffy and the others must be worrying sick... or not. 

Okay. Stop it Rosenberg. Don't be silly. They love you... or not. 

I should turn back... or not? 

Wait. Did I just saw someone in the woods? 

Who's- oooookay. Am I having illustration or did I just see Drusilla smiling at me? 

Well, dark silk dress, a doll in hand... okay, dancing and skipping in the dark. Definitely Dru. 

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! She's walking towards me. I have to run! I have to... 

Well, if I die, I die... I think. 

Okay. What am I thinking? Shouldn't I start screaming? 

And why is she smiling at me? 

And why is she holding me hands? 

And why is she licking my wounds? 

And more important, why am I letting her doing this? 

Ha. 

May be it's time for me to be on meds again?

... 

* * *


	2. Question, Anger, Disbelieve

**Insanity**  
by Cynthia Taz

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

Notes: Thanks Louvil for the review! I'm just glad u like it. :)

* * *

Chapter 2 - Question, Anger, Disbelieve

* * *

... 

- **TARA'S POV** -

Willow, where are you?

I love you baby. Please come back.

The taxi driver takes a peek at me via the driving mirror. You can tell he is really confused.

Not that I blame him, considering he was the very same driver who drove me away from the Summers' house just two days ago.

How many times would you see a girl moving back to a house after moving out just two days ago?

And both times she's crying silly in the cab?

The car finally arrives at the Summers' house. Buffy is waiting at the front porch.

No words are needed. Buffy grabs the boxes quietly from the taxi to the front porch, then from the front porch into the house.

Dawnie is still at school, which, I'm glad. I am not ready to face her...

Or anyone actually.

So, God blesses Buffy for not talking.

I still remember when she came to me yesterday night, asking if I've seen Willow.

No one have seen her since I moved out.

Spike has tracked her scent to the woods outside Sunnydale before losing it.

Note: I don't want to know how Spike knows what Willow's scent smells like.

They found Willow's blood on one of the trees. Just a small amount, but enough to know that it belongs to her.

Again, note: I don't want to know how Spike knows what Willow's blood tastes like.

And more importantly, Spike smelled another scent - Drusilla, the crazy vampire who is, well, crazy.

I tried spell after spell. But still, no Willow.

Buffy doubts Willow is turned, or else she would have come back and kill us all already.

But better safe than sorry. So I move back into our room... after moving out just two days ago.

Xander is worried... sick.

Buffy is worried... sick.

Dawn is worried... sick.

Spike is worried... about Drusilla.

Anya is worried... about money.

Me? I don't know...

Willow, where are you?

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** -

Damn Powers.

You know, they screwed my life.

And now, they screwed Willow's.

Oh yeah. They screwed Willow. Big time.

Cordy called, and may I added - **after** Willow has been missing for **five** days - that she had a vision from the powers.

Willow is with Dru.

Willow is fine.

Don't try to find her.

Angel went to see the Oracles immediately.

And their answer?

Leave her alone, or, in exact words: Bugger off. What? Channeling Spike?

I wish I can go see them, shove them in a box and DHL them to Mars so they can be eaten by alien.

Okay, channeling Xander. But hey! What can I say? They channeled Spike!

I'm sure Angel has similar ideas, 'cos Cordy told me he was thrown out from the temple before he could even vamp out.

Damn Powers.

... 

- **XANDER'S POV** -

I can't believe she never told me.

If it isn't for the fact that she is missing, that I called her parents, we'll never know.

Willow has been visiting psychologist for years.

Years.

And all these years, no one knows.

Except Willow, her psychologist, and her bastard parents.

Not even Tara. Not even Buffy.

Not even me.

I can't believe she never told me.

... 

* * *


	3. Vision Gals

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 3 - Vision Gals

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

It has been almost a year since I left Sunnydale, since I live with Dru. 

I have to say, it's a bit... odd. 

I don't have the eager to do magic ever since I have stayed with Dru. Well, except when we are being attacked. Even then, I won't use magic until the last minute. 

Big shock, huh? 

I guess I am just too busy being a vision gal, and crazy. 

Oh yeah. Vision and crazy. 

Sounds familiar? 

Dru has been practicing it for like what? Hundreds of years? 

And let me tell you, she's real damn good at it. 

She teaches me how to take care of the visions, which is "sit down", and "rumble all the stuff that pops up in your head... better yet, with rhythm". 

At first, I don't really get it. I mean, I do understand the sitting part. It always feels exhausted after the visions. But the rumbling part? 

Well, it turns out, if you don't do that, people tends to ask you question after question until you have to tell them how many bugs appeared in the vision because you don't have anymore to tell. 

And remember, this is the time when you'll end the world just for a minute rest. 

Plus, it's fun annoying people to hell. 

Of course, you will have to restrain yourself not to be so sane all the time, or else it won't work. 

But you'll get used to it. 

Actually, I love it. 

I love dancing under the stars. 

I love staring at space. 

I love singing. 

I love screaming. 

I don't love spinning though. I still want to puke whenever I remember the last time Miss Edith taught me how to "spin like a coin". Note to self: never, ever, listen to a vampire regarding any activity that involves spinning. 

In short, I love being crazy. 

What? Yeah, I love it. Bite me. 

Okay, bad choice of words especially when Dru is nearby, but still, bite me. 

To be honest, this year is the best year that I have in my entire life - I have never felt so free and at peace with myself before... not until now. 

Thank you, Dru.

... 

- **AGAIN, WILLOW'S POV** - 

I'm now sitting in the plane with Dru, flying back to Sunnydale. 

And may I add? A private plane with a living room and master room in it. 

You know, I always wonder how come Spike and Angel are so poor. I mean c'mon, they got like what? Hundred years to invest? And they still struggle to buy a small bag of pig's blood? 

Well, may be it's because they rather rob for something than paying. Still... 

But Dru is rich. Really rich. 

It is **after** I met her that I know demons do know how to invest, and that Dru is one of the richest vampires in the community. 

She's crazy. But she's rich. Bite her. 

Oh. Don't forget evil. 

It's still a mystery to me that why Dru is willing to take care of me. 

According to her, Miss Edith told her to 'water' the 'little tree'. 

And then she started dancing 'under the star', again. 

Which, I assume, she has a vision that she has to 'take care' the 'Willow tree', aka me. 

Where was I? Oh yeah. Going back to Sunnydale. 

I'm not happy about it. Dru is not happy about it. 

The only one who's happy about it is Miss Edith. 

Well, it's not like we have a choice now, do we? 

After all, we're just some vision gals.

... 

* * *


	4. Bugger

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1. 

Note 1: Big thanks to all these wonderful reviews! I'm so glad that u guys like it:)   
Note 2: This part starts at season 7 after the First had started the attacks.

* * *

Chapter 4 - Bugger

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

I stare at Dru. Really staring. The 'not-blinking-once-since-the-start-of-Earth-and-til-the-end-of-world' staring. 

Dru finally can't take it anymore. 

**Dru**   
_**"Little Tree?"**_

Oh yeah. Score one for Little Tree. Hehe... Okay. Serious time now. 

**Willow**   
_**"How are we going to approach the slayer without being staked?"**_

Wait... shouldn't the question be 'without you being staked'? 

**Dru**   
_**"Bad slayer can't stake me, won't stake me. Miss Edith said so."**_

**Willow**   
_**"Ooookay."**_

I don't really think so, but I've learned long time ago never to argue with Dru. She is one hell of a stubborn vampire. 

We finally reach the Summers' house. I can see lights coming out from the house. They probably haven't slept yet. I stare at Dru. Dru stares back at me. We just stare at each other. 

**Voice**   
_**"Willow?"**_

We both turn when a voice reaches our ears. Xander. My ex-best friend Xander is standing here. 

**Xander**   
_**"Dru?"**_

A second later, Xander does what he does best. Screaming like a woman. 

Following his scream is a click from the front door, then another scream - Dawn's scream. 

**Voice**   
**_"Willow?"_**

Finally. Someone acknowledges my appearance without screaming. I turn again. 

Tara.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

I am so tired. I just want to go back home and die on our bed. 

Yes. Our bed. 

Not you, silly. Willow and I. 

Even though she hasn't slept on it for almost a year, it is still our room... 

Our bed... 

My Willow. 

And I know she will come back to me. 

She has to. 

Be strong, Tara MaClay. Be strong. Don't cry. 

Willow won't want you cry. 

I should take a deep breath. Deep breath is good, deep breath helps you calm. 

Deep bre- Willow? 

My gut tells me it's Willow. 

Willow. 

My Willow. 

I start running towards the Summers' House... and stop when I reach the end of the street. 

Four people are on the front porch. 

One is Xander. 

One is Dawn. 

One brunette. 

One redhead. 

My legs bring me closer and closer to the redhead, until I can smell the apple shampoo on her reddish hair. 

**Tara**   
_**"Willow?"**_

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

Tara. 

It is Tara. 

It is my name from Tara's mouth, by Tara's voice. 

What should I do? 

Should I greet her? 

Should I not greet her? 

Should I say something? 

Or say nothing? 

**Dru**   
_**"So bright."**_

Thank Goddess for Dru. She always knows what to say at times. 

**Dru**   
_**"You are so bright. Like a star."**_

Dru is smiling at Tara. Okay Dru, I thank you for saving me, but please don't use the same goody goody eyes of yours on my gi-um, ex-girlfriend, okay? 

**Tara**   
_**"Um... t-thank you?"**_

Good old Tara. Always the polite one. 

**Voice**   
_**"Tara, stay back."**_

An extremely familiar voice echoes in my ear. Ha... 

**Dru**   
_**"Slayer."**_

Bugger.

... 

* * *


	5. I'm Hungry

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 5 - I'm Hungry

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

I have never seen Buffy that tense before. 

Well, not that I blame her. How many times will you get an insane vampire and an insane witch on your front porch? 

Xander and Dawn finally stop screaming after they are shoved back into the house with Tara. Buffy turns towards us and holds up her trusty stake. 

**Dru**   
_**"Slayer..."**_

Crap. Dru's growling. Not good. The last time I heard her growl was when I didn't let her have sex for like... um... a day. So it is my bad. I shouldn't have turned her into some kind of sex machine. But well, what can I say? I am a gal with special needs. Yeah. Needy. That's me. 

Okay. Buffy's gonna makes her move. Better focus. I step in front of Dru. And Dru giggles behind me. Hey Dru, work with me here please? 

**Buffy**   
**_"Willow, move."_**

Well, at least Buffy doesn't want to stake me... or not. Her stake is actually pointing at my heart. Hey Buff, I thought slayer doesn't kill human, well, except Faith... but that's an accident as far as I can tell. Oh yeah. I'm taking Faith's side. Bite me. Um... where was I? Oh yeah. Buffy's pointing her stake at me. 

**Xander**   
_**"Buffy! No!"**_

Good old Xander. Always my best bud... or ex-best bud? Dawn and Tara are both too shock to do anything, as far as I can tell. 

**Xander**   
_**"Willow isn't a vampire!"**_

Hey! How does he know? 

**Buffy**   
_**"I know. But Dru is"**_

Well, if you know, why the heck do you point your stake at me? 

**Buffy**   
**_"What are you doing here?"_**

I wish I know. 

**Dru**   
_**"Miss Eddie said so. Bad slayer needs a boat to cross the river, so I bought the wood."**_

Hey! I never said I want to be chopped down and get turned into a boat! That is so not on my contract! 

**Buffy**   
_**"Huh?"**_

Buffy is getting blonde by day. This, I can tell. 

**Xander**   
_**"Why don't we let-" **_

**Buffy**   
**_"I am not inviting a vampire into my house." _**

**Xander**   
_**"She is Willow!"**_

Again, good old Xander. 

**Buffy**   
_**"And she is Dru."**_

Yea-yeah. I'm Willow. She is Dru. Can we just move on? 

**Dawn**   
_**"Like you have never invited a vampire into our house before."**_

Wow. Nice one Dawnie. 

**Buffy**   
_**"What did you say?"**_

Buffy gives her little sister a 'if-you're-not-my-big-green-ball-energy-sister-I'll-be-slaying-you-right-now' kinda look. Funny, but can you guys move faster? 'Cos the sun is coming up and I so don't want a dusted Dru snuggle with me. Um... what should I do? 

Oh! I know. I can do what I do best nowadays! Giggle! 

Ha. They are all looking at me right now. Good. Let's move on. 

**Willow**   
_**"I'm hungry."**_

Okay, not really moving on... But what can I say? I am crazy.

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

**Willow**   
_**"I'm hungry."**_

Is that a joke? 

Is that some kind of a joke? 

Is that some kind of Powers-That-Be playing Buffy-the-Slayer joke? 

Willow comes back with Dru, and she is telling us she's hungry? 

Not a 'hello', not 'I miss you guys', not 'I love you guys', but 'I'm hungry'? 

And not only that she has to say 'I'm hungry', but she has to giggle like Dru before she said that? 

I got to get her away from Dru.

... 

* * *


	6. Spooky

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 6 - Spooky

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

You find it spooky? 

You're not the only one. 

Even me, the crazy witchy gal, finds it spooky. 

A slayer, a witch, a crazy dark magic witch and a crazy master vampire plus two humans, sitting in the slayer's backyard in the dark. 

Having pizza. 

At least no one is trying to kill another... 

For now. 

Buffy is still holding her stake. 

Xander is busy balancing his slide of pizza with the holy water gun in his hands. 

Dawn is drinking her soda slowly, her eyes shifting between me and Dru, a huge crucifix in her hand. 

Tara is... I haven't really focused on her, or even look at her. 

Because I'm scared of what I may see. 

Anger. Disappointment. 

Hate. 

Love. 

And I am not even sure which one is worst. 

I know she's staring at me the whole time. 

I know it. I can feel it. 

But I can't bring my eyes to her. 

I can't bring myself to her. 

To see her. Touch her. Smell her. 

Because it will kill me... 

Even if I'm already dead.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

Willow. 

My Willow. 

Please look at me. 

Just look at me, even for a second. 

I need you baby, to look at me. 

To see your eyes speaking to me again. 

Please.

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

She's going to say something. She's going to say something. She's going to say something. 

**Tara**   
_**"Willow."**_

Tara's voice. Tara's soft voice. Tara's soft sweet... no Rosenberg. Don't do it. 

You can't. 

Don't be selfish. 

Not again. 

I let myself fall backwards. I can see Buffy and others are shocked, wanting to rush forward to hold me, worrying that I may hurt myself... 

But none of them are faster than Dru, since I've been holding her hand the whole time. 

I giggle, and smile at her. 

Dru smiles back, and lies beside me. 

We both look up at the sky. 

Ignore Buffy and Tara. 

Ignore Xander and Dawn. 

Ignore the whole world... 

... Unit the stars start whispering again. 

**Willow**   
_**"Stars shine, beautiful eyes. Mystery in hide, enjoy the night."**_

I close my eyes, knowing that Dru can hear that too. 

**Dru**   
_**"Day comes, sun's bright. Darkness enfolds, every things light."**_

**Willow**   
_**"Old man comes, new girl's gone. Ways to go, only God knows."**_

I open my eyes, and turn towards Dru. I can feel that sick feeling crawling under my skin, just like always. Only her, the dead cold vampire beside me, can give me the much needed comfort and peace. 

**Dru**   
_**"End the world, save the souls. Your choice, little tree holds."**_

She finishes it softly, before sitting up, taking me into her arms. I close my eyes again. 

**Buffy**   
_**"Okay. That's enough."**_

Crap.

... 

* * *


	7. Not My Arms

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 7 - Not My Arms

* * *

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

What the heck? 

First something stops me before I can reach that damn vampire, and the next think I know, I am flying back towards the wall. 

I can hear Xander, Tara and Dawn screaming my name, running towards me. 

Arrrrrrrrrr. My back. 

**Buffy**   
**_"Bad slayer!" _**

Okay. Is that because I hurt my head or did Willow just call me 'bad slayer'? 

**Willow**   
**_"You big, evil, meany bad slayer! You are m-mean a-and bad and... BAD!" _**

Okay. I don't think Dru will use the word 'meany' or babble like that, won't she? 

I look up at them. 

What the- is Dru doing what I think she's doing? 

Dru put her arms around Willow's shoulder, again, pulling her towards herself. Willow just let her... actually, she moves along with Dru and buries her own face in her shoulder. 

**Dru**   
**_"Shh... don't cry little tree. Shh..."_**

Is Dru calming Willow? What the heck?

... 

- **XANDER'S POV** - 

I still vote for not inviting Dru into the house. 

But what can we do? I mean, Willow is holding Dru tight like her life depends on it. She even calls out some mojo-jumbo to stop anyone from going near them, not even Tara can de-mojo it. 

And we can't just let Willow stay outside the house, right? Besides, if we don't let Dru in, she will take Willow away before the sun rises. 

And more importantly, Willow will follow her without any doubt. 

So, Buffy let Dru in - just for a day - until we figure out what to do. 

Willow is now staying with Dru in the basement. We try to get her into Buffy's room, but Willow screamed like seeing Darth Vader himself whenever we try to get her to the second floor. So, at last, we put her in the basement... 

With Dru. 

I still vote for leaving Dru out in the sun.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

Buffy is calling Angel right now. She has sent Dawn up into her room, with a double lock on it. 

She said Drusilla is really dangerous. She said she is a vampire witch. 

I know. 

And I don't care. 

She is with Willow. 

My Willow. 

That's why I'm now in the basement, against Buffy's warning - 

Staring at Drusilla... 

Staring at Willow. 

Drusilla is now sitting on the mattress on the floor, her back against the wall, with Willow's head on her lap. You can see Willow's sleeping... even though it isn't a peaceful one. 

Drusilla's hand is moving ups and downs along Willow's arm, humming a soft lullaby. Suddenly, she stops, and looks at me. 

**Drusilla**   
**_"You bring light." _**

**Tara**   
**_"You said that before." _**

Drusilla smiles at me - not the way she has been smiling since she appeared tonight, but a warm, mature smile you can get from an old kind woman. I smile back at her, before looking down at Willow, who is sobbing in her dream. 

**Drusilla**   
**_"Nightmares. Sometimes visions."_**

Drusilla's figure traces Willow's frowning eyebrows slowly. 

**Drusilla**   
**_"It never ends." _**

**Tara**   
**_"Visions..."_**

**Drusilla**   
**_"Like the one she had earlier."_**

**Tara**   
**_"You mean... But how..."_**

Drusilla points at the ceiling. The Powers. 

I have been researching on Drusilla since Willow's gone. I finally understand why the Powers wants Willow to be with the vampire. But why Willow? Why my baby? 

**Drusilla**   
**_"We are different, yet the same. It's painful. It's death."_**

**Tara**   
**_"Is..."_**

I have to ask. I have to know. 

**Tara**   
**_"Is she..."_**

**Drusilla**   
**_"Insane? Depends on your definition. Fine? Depends on your points of view."_**

**Tara**   
**_"But she isn't acting like herself."_**

**Drusilla**   
**_"Who is she then? Who should be the one who define who she is? Doctors? Families? Friends?"_**

Pauses. 

**Drusilla**   
**_"You?"_**

Me? Should I? Am I? I never try to define who Willow is, have I? I never- Willow? 

Willow screams, and jumps up. Dru holds her immediately. I can hear Buffy and Xander running down the stairs, but I don't care. 

Because all I can see is my baby crying uncontrollable in Drusilla's arms... in some Master vampire's arms... 

But not mine.

... 

* * *


	8. Giles

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1. 

Note: Thank you for everyone's review. I know the story is kinda weird... but what can I say? I'm weird (creepy laugh in the background). Anyways, can't do this without you! ;p

* * *

Chapter 8 - Giles

* * *

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

Giles still hasn't called. 

May be the council has gotten to give him the message? 

Or they just don't care? Well, I hope not, 'cos I'm not sure how long I can take this crap. 

Dawn and Tara are still against the idea of dusting Drusilla, while Xander is all 'go for it'. 

Not that his option really matters. Sorry Xander, it just... well, Tara seems to have a point. 

We should at least wait for Giles. And Angel is right. In the vision department? Drusilla is definitely the one to ask. 

Even if she's a bit crazy. Well, a lot actually. 

And I hate it. 

Giles, where- wait. Who is knocking on my door? Um... may be Anya? She said she'll come by today. 

She usually just pops in. Literally. But may be now she's a human again, she will start relearning some human manners? 

Even if she never learn the last- 

What the... 

Is that Giles who's standing at my front porch? 

And who the heck are those girls behind him?

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

Hello Giles. 

You look a bit tired. Must be because of those scary faces I saw in the visions. 

You should get some rest, you know? 

And will you please not keep throwing glares at Dru? 

Even though she is the reason Jenny is dead. 

Even though she is the reason you almost died. 

Even though she is now holding me in her arms. 

Oh! Someone's coming... Is she one of those slayers-in-training? I heard Buffy saying something about three SiTs. 

Um... That girl looks nervous. 

**Girl**   
**_"Giles?"_**

**Giles**   
**_"Yes, Annabelle?"_**

Hello Annabelle. Don't worry. I don't bite. I can't say the same for Dru though. 

**Annabelle**   
**_"Kennedy and Dawn are arguing up stairs, again."_**

**Giles**   
**_"I'm coming right up."_**

Oh-oh. 

**Willow**   
**_"Annabelle?"_**

**Giles**   
**_"Willow?"_**

No, Giles. Don't come closer. 

**Willow**   
**_"Rats..."_**

Goddess... 

**Willow**   
**_"You are rat, they are cats. Out of the rat hole, as good as dead." _**

I can feel Dru's hand on my hair. Do you see, Dru? Do you see her heart? Her soul? 

Her bones deep inside those pesky vessels? 

**Willow**   
**_"Stay inside, out of sight. Being naughty, mummy will be mad."_**

I can feel them coming... please Dru... save me... 

**Giles**   
**_"Willow, what do you mean?"_**

I think I hear Giles' voice, but everything is so blurry... so blurry... 

It hurts. 

And I scream.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

I run down the stairs to my Willow. I can hear the pain in her screams. 

**Buffy**   
**_"NO!"_**

Buffy shouts from behind when Giles is trying to get closer to Willow. Too late. Willow's power sends him towards the opposite side of the basement. 

It is the one thing we are certain: don't get close to Willow after she has a vision... or at any time. Buffy must have forgotten to tell him. 

But my poor Willow. She looks so much in pain. Drusilla is holding her hands, trying to stop herself from tearing her own skin. She is sobbing and trashing and all I can do is standing there, watching her helplessly. 

Oh Goddess. Why? Why does it have to be my Willow? 

Why?

... 

- **XANDER'S POV** - 

I have never felt this helpless before. 

Not even when Buffy died. 

Because every time bad things happen, Willow will be there, helping us, fixing things... 

But isn't that Willow fixing things got her here in the first place? 

Her fixing things with magic? 

Her trying to help us, when she is falling deeper and deeper into the black hole? 

We never saw that. 

We never help. 

I never help.

... 

* * *


	9. Dead

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.   
Note: Thanks for everyone's reviews! It had been crazy week and with the exam (yuck!) and graduation (yeah!) coming I kinda forget to update until now... forgive me?

* * *

Chapter 9 - Dead

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

Day. 

Night. 

Day. 

Night. 

Giles comes at day, Tara comes by night. 

Buffy and Xander come by in between. 

But no words exchanged. Not between me and Giles, or me and Buffy, or me and Xander... 

Or Tara and I. 

Of course, Tara and I... we never need words. 

We always understand each other... until now. 

I still, in a way, know what she's thinking. What she's hoping for. What she's looking for. 

It is she who can't see through me anymore. 

Because I can't let her. 

Because I can't let myself let her. 

Say I'm stupid. Say I'm selfish. Say I'm crazy. 

I can't let her into my live again. 

Because my live is a black hole... waiting to swallow everyone dare to come near it... even light... 

Even Tara... 

And I can't let it happen... I can't let her fall. 

Because I love her too much to let her.

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

This is stupid. 

Why can't I stake Drusilla? 

Why do I have to let her leave my basement to 'go for a walk'? 

Yeah right. Like I believe that you just want 'a walk'. 

And why do I have to be the one who followed her around? 

Well, at least we can get Willow away from her. 

I still want to stake her. Even Giles warned me not to. 

Yeah. Yeah. I know. Drusilla is the only one Willow's willing to get help from. 

Yeah right. Like she's really helping. 

Giles, you owe me big time.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

I once again takes over the Willow/Drusilla watch... well, just Willow tonight. 

Drusilla wants a walk, and Giles let her... with the slayer right behind her tail. 

It's for the best. Because I can finally get my Willow alone. 

With me. 

She is now lying on the mattress, her hands holding onto the blanket Drusilla gave her, like her life depends on it. 

Just like the way she holds Drusilla. 

Not even when we were together she would hold me like that. 

And now, all I can do is looking at her depending on others... 

Depends on a vampire... depends on a blanket... but not me. 

**Willow**   
**_"DRU!"_**

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

**Willow**   
**_"DRU!"_**

It can't be true! No! They are not killing Dru! 

I can't let them kill Dru. I can't lose her. Not now. 

Tara stares at me with concern. Don't concern me damn it! Dru's in danger! 

I run upstairs. Then to the front door. Then into the Sunnydale night street. I can hear Tara calling me from behind, but I can't stop. 

I have to get to Dru. 

I have to save her.

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

Okay. Not good. 

Drusilla is surrounded by bringers and uber-vamps. 

Should I save her? 

Should I not? 

Well, as much as I don't like Drusilla, she's helping us... helping Willow... in a way that I still don't get. 

Drusilla is fighting the vamps and bringers. Some of them spot me. 

C'mon, big boys. Bring it on. 

**Willow**   
**_"NO!"_**

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

Willow stops at the corner of the street. I can see Drusilla and Buffy fighting some bringers and uber-vamps not far ahead. 

Then I turn back towards Willow. 

**Willow**   
**_"NO!"_**

I once again turn towards the fighting group. Drusilla is standing in the middle. Staring at Willow... 

And turn into dust. 

I turn back towards Willow again. She is floating in the air, dark magic surrounded her. 

Hundreds of fireballs suddenly appear around Willow, and shot towards the group. 

One by one, they all burnt into nothing, except Buffy. 

I run towards Willow, staring into her face. 

Willow's eyes speak to me for the first time: Dru is dead... 

And so is Willow.

... 

* * *


	10. Dolly

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 10 - Dolly

* * *

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

My hands are smoothing her slowly. 

My arms are holding her tightly. 

And I let her hold me back... 

Calming me... 

Whispering into my ears. 

She tells me how pretty the stars are... 

She tells me all the tales about her daddy and Miss Eddie... 

In a way, I know. 

In that small annoying spot in my mind, like a spot of dirt on your back that your hands can never reach, I know. 

She is dead. 

She is dusted. 

She is gone. 

To the happy land Miss Eddie had promised her... promised us. 

So, I sing. 

I sing for her. 

For her hair... 

Her hands... 

Her eyes... 

Her ears... 

Her. 

Then I feel the powers sing to me. 

Not the annoying Powers-That-Be, but the powers in my blood, the magic that has taken the annoying babbling Willow away... 

They sing to me. 

To Dru. 

To us. 

The fireflies reach out from my hands to those nasty old men. 

Lighting them. 

Giving them lives that they curved. 

Feeding them blood that they needed. 

Guiding them to the far away land of fireflies, far far away... 

Tara stops in front of me after I have given my blessing to those nasty old men. 

Her eyes... so blue... so bright, like the stars that sing to me each night. 

Like the stars when they told me that Dru is gone. 

Dru. 

Gone. 

And at that moment, I feel a hand. 

A hand from heaven... 

Reaching down... 

Into me. 

To my body, my head, my mind... 

Cleaning that spot that has been annoying me ever since I was born. 

Cleaning it... leaving no spot... 

Willow Rosenberg dies tonight.

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV AGAIN** - 

Dru is looking at me, a silly smile on her face. 

She always looks silly when we're alone. 

I reach out for her. 

Her smile disappears. 

Oh no. She's cranky. 

Must be because I get my hair all messy. 

A good doll doesn't mess up her hair. 

Or her dress. 

Or anything. 

So, she punishes me... in a good way. 

A way that makes you feels pain while you long for more... and more... and more... 

A way that makes you begs for more... and more... and more... 

Until your soul dies a little more. 

But not today. 

She doesn't move... doesn't push me on the floor... doesn't touch me all places... doesn't bite, or punch, or lick... 

Because she knows I'll do that to myself... 

Good dolly knows when to please her little mistress... especially when she's angry. 

And I do. 

I don't want to stop... not even when my hands start bleeding, not even when I feel my world starts spinning... not even when the smelly nasty slayer and the honey smelly witch pin me down on the floor... 

Because if I'm good, my mistress will come back to me... 

She'll pet me, talk to me, sing to me... like she always does. 

Because I'm her dolly. 

She always loves her dolly. 

Who doesn't love their dolly? 

Dru is here! Dru! 

Yah! She's smiling at me again. 

Smiling and smiling and smiling... 

And frown. 

And turn. 

And left. 

I blink, and look down. 

Mud... dark mud climbing up to my legs... 

My body... 

My hands... 

My face... 

My mind... 

And I scream.

... 

* * *


	11. Large Wood Little Tree

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 11 - Large Wood Little Tree

* * *

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

She looks so fragile on the bed. 

She looks so empty in her eyes. 

Why? Why would things end up like this? 

Willow is supposed to get better after I left, and then we would be together again. 

Not gaining vision, not living with an insane vampire for almost a year. 

And certainly not becoming like this. 

Why? Willow why? 

Why didn't you tell me about your manic depression? Why didn't you come to me when you have visions? 

Don't you trust me? 

**Tara**   
**_"Why?"_**

...Why am I whispering out loud? 

Willow blinks. 

Willow is staring at me. 

Oh Goddess. 

**Tara**   
**_"Willow?"_**

She smiles.

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

Why. 

Tara asks why. 

She doesn't say what exactly she wants to know, but I can see it in her eyes. 

Her eyes always speak to me. 

She wants to know why I never told her about my... problem. 

She wants to know why I didn't come back before. 

I look at her. She calls my name. I smile. 

I can see hopes in her sea blue eyes... 

No. I can't do that. I can't do that to her. 

I'm nothing. I'm no one. Don't love me. 

Please. 

I giggle. She blinks. 

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"All me. It is all of me."_**

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"Large woods, little tree, getting into something that is never meant to be."_**

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"Death appoints thee, little red tree, seeing what you should never see."_**

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"Mother's hate, father's sin, lives' never the way it has been seen."_**

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"Place to hide, words for lies, coating the fragile mind."_**

I'm sorry, my love. 

**Willow**   
**_"Large woods, little tree, nothing left to free."_**

I'm sorry, Tara.

... 

- **XANDER'S POV** - 

Willow's mood has been swinging since Drusilla is dusted. 

Sometimes she would suddenly laugh. Sometimes she would suddenly scream. Sometimes she would just lie there, staring at space. 

I still remembered the night when we came back from the house. Willow stared at space for whole night, then started trashing the whole room, screaming for Dru. Tara ended up putting a sleeping spell on her to calm her down. I never saw her like that. 

She never let herself being seen like that... until now. 

I remembered there were times when I was worried that her parents were like mine, seeing cuts and bruises on her body. Every time I asked her, she would smile at me, and said: 

**Young Willow**   
**_"They are not even in town."_**

I always smiled at her answer. No one was hitting her at home, so it was good, right? 

Of course, I was wrong. Dead wrong. 

Because she didn't even have a home. She had a house where she lived, but she didn't have a home. 

I bet most of her faint scars on her hands and legs were not accidents, but the leftovers of what she felt. 

Abandoned. Anger. 

Alone. 

Now, looking at her, I have to wonder... 

Do I really know her? 

Or I have just befriended the Willow who is improved by some medicines, the happy Willow Rosenberg who is created in order to cover the self-destructed Willow inside her?

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

Xander is on the Willow watch again. 

Sometimes I wonder, who is taking it harder? Xander the best friend? Or Tara the girlfriend? 

Xander has known Willow like, forever, yet he never knew about her disorder, nor could help. 

Tara is Willow's soul-mate, yet she never saw the destructed side of Willow, nor could help. 

And worst yet, Buffy the slayer, the best friend of Willow Rosenberg for more than six years, doesn't know what to do, nor to help.

... 

* * *


	12. Bitter Sweet

**Insanity**   
by Cynthia Taz 

For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.

* * *

Chapter 12 - Bitter / Sweet

* * *

... 

- **BUFFY'S POV** - 

It is a bitter victory. 

We have lost four potential slayers. But we managed to create a whole army of slayers. 

All over the world. 

Spike is dead, bringing down the Hellmouth with him. 

Anya almost died, but she lives. 

But even if we have saved the world, even for all the times **I** have saved the world... 

I cannot save Willow. 

... 

It is a bitter victory.

... 

- **XANDER'S POV** - 

It is a bitter victory. 

We saved the day, as usual. 

Buffy becomes the slayer-mama, Giles becomes the Watcher Council's new boss, Anya and I are together again... everyone gets a happy ending... 

Except one. 

Willow. My friend. My very best, childhood, babbling redhead... 

... 

It is a bitter victory.

... 

- **TARA'S POV** - 

It is a bitter victory. 

Thanks to Willow's visions, we managed to stop the opening of the Hellmouth. 

And thanks to Willow's magic, I managed to awaken all slayers, all over the world. 

But I cannot save Willow. 

I cannot save her from her nightmare... 

I cannot save her from herself. 

It has been almost four months since the collapse of Sunnydale, since the Hellmouth was officially out of business. 

Giles had sent Willow and I to a coven in Beth, after he found out about Mr. Angel joining the Wolfman and Hart. He feared that they might get their hands on me. 

Or Willow. 

The coven told me Willow's magic was gone, sacrificed as the fuel to wake slayers all over the world. 

They also think Willow's vision was lost along with the magic. 

I don't care. All I want is for her to speak to me... 

To tell me that everything's all right... 

Even if she is not really speaking. 

... 

It is a bitter victory.

... 

- **WILLOW'S POV** - 

I know they think it is a bitter victory. 

Why? 

Because of all those girls that had lost their lives... 

Because of me. 

I would have to disagree though. 

Don't get it wrong, I don't do that on purpose. 

I don't go all crazy Jones on them because I can, but because this is what I cannot live without. 

You won't believe how many things I can see... every single person in this world... 

Birth... 

Living... 

Death... 

I can see them all... even if I don't tell those tales anymore. 

Sometimes I have to wonder... is that why there are so few seers in this world? 

Because our sanity have blinded us all? 

The coven thinks I have lost my vision, along with my magic, the day when the final battle played out in my home town. 

In a way, it is my fault that they have made the wrong conclusion. 

But I can't apology. I won't apology. 

Because I am what I am... 

Broken. 

Tara is still taking care of me, despite my parents' effort to try to take me away from her, despite everyone's effort to try to take me away from her... 

She refuses to give up on me. 

And I know she will never give up on me... 

Not when she still believes it is the right thing to do... 

Not when the resolve is still in her eyes. 

Tara, in her quiet way, is the strongest of us all. 

And that is why I disagree it is a bitter victory. 

Because even though I have lost my war... 

I have gained my soul... 

My Tara. 

... 

It is a sweet lost.

... 

* * *

FIN 

Note: Thanks for everyone's reviews. I'm not good at doing replies and such so I won't thank you individually, but you know who you are. :) It's always nice to know that someone like the story. Again, thanks!

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